5 Ways To Maintane Independence While Chronically Ill

I know, I know – we don’t want to be independent.  We want to be inter-dependent.  No man is an island and all that.  I agree with that.

I’m not flying in the face of that wisdom when I am talking about this issue of independence.  But we are looking at things from the viewpoint of a person who is chronically ill.  This is a person who’s body betrays them daily.  This is a person who is forced against their will to rely on people all the time for basic necessities.  Their world, their dignity, and their sense of self are being assaulted.  



I don’t know about you but I have long stretches of time when I can’t work even one day a week.  I’m not able to provide for myself or others.  I sometimes need help walking.  I often need help getting food.  I won’t go into all the details – but I need a lot of help, a lot of the time. 
Being dependent on others for so much can wear you down.

The issue of independence is a big one to us.  Maybe because we may have so little of it.

So, just how do you maintain a level of independence when you are not actually a person of independent means? 

Here are 5 Strategies:
 
1.    Do What you Can when you Can.  If you can get up and get yourself food or water (without undue side effects), do that.  If you can drive without being a danger to yourself or others, do so.  Try not to give up more than you really need.  There may come a time when you can’t do these things for yourself.  Until then, do what you can. You may go slower and take longer than someone else.  But, as the saying goes, it doesn’t matter how slow you go as long as you don’t stop. 

I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of letting others do everything for you – even when you are actually up to doing it yourself.  It can be a difficult balance to find.  But it is very good for your dignity and your sense of independence to be able to care for these mundane things yourself, when you can.

2.    Accept help.  This sounds like a contradiction.  But it’s not.  Swallow your pride.  Learn and accept your limits.  And stay within them.  To stay within your limits you must ask for and accept help with the things that are outside of your limits. 

But the beautiful thing is this:  If you accept help with the things you cannot reasonably do – you will ultimately be able to do more yourself.  Why?  Because you are not struggling against your body constantly.

Conversely, if you fail to accept help willingly – your body will give out from doing too much.  And then you will be forced to accept help against your will. 

Respecting your limits may seem like giving up at first, it may seem wimpy, weak, or like you’re not giving your all.  It is none of those things.  It is called being REASONABLE, being HONEST, and being MODEST.  It is usually better to do a little less, but consistently – than it is to do a superhuman (for you) amount in one month and then nothing at all the following three months.  See the posts 2 Reasons Why Lying Keeps You Sick and Let Go Of The Dream, Accept Reality, And Be Happy.

3.    Require something of yourself.  Set yourself some goals and a flexible schedule.  You should include things you want to do, need to do, and look forward to doing.  It needs to be flexible – not super strict – to accommodate bad times.  (See the post 3 Ways to Advance in a New Direction for help with setting reasonable goals.)  These personal goals and schedule are completely within your control.  They are not presided over by anyone else.

4.    Build up your Strength.  The more strength you have, the more you can do yourself, the less dependent on others you will be. 

You need strength and muscles to hold a pen or a phone.  You need muscles to get in and out of the bath.  You need strength to hold yourself upright.  You need muscles to walk to the bathroom.  This is pretty basic. 

No matter your level of debility – start to gradually build up your strength in whatever way is possible for you.  (See the series on this subject:  Coping with Chronic Illness – Exercise Part 1 – Is it Good or Bad?  Exercise Part 2 – 5 Myths of Exercising While Ill.  And Exercise Part 3 – How to Build Strength While Ill.)

5.    Take Responsibility for Your Health.  This doesn’t mean you don’t need help caring for health.  But you accept that you are responsible for your own body. 

Taking responsibility means that you are pro-active.  Do your research.  Go to your doctors without being forced by your family.  If you don’t like your doctors or your medications – find new ones.  Research alternative methods for dealing with your illness.  Research ways to live fully with the situation you have.  Make your own medical decisions.  Do what you can for your illness.  Don’t place this responsibility on the shoulders of your loved ones or your doctors.

Don’t be a passive sufferer.  Do what you reasonably can. 

And now it’s your turn.  What are your thoughts on the subject of independence?

Stay tuned for the upcoming article - Coping With Chronic Illness - Laugh for Better Health.

You may also enjoy:

Coping With Chronic Illness posts: 

It's OK to grieve your losses
Knowledge is power
Do not eat, breathe, and sleep your illness
Part 1 - Friendship is a basic human need (the dilemma)
Part 2 - Friendship is a basic human need (who can be a friend?)
Part 3 - Friendship is a basic human need (10 ways to be a good friend while chronically ill)
Part 4 - Friendship is a basic human need (How to be a friend to a friend who is chronically ill)
2 Reasons why lying keeps you sick
Let go of the dream, accept reality, and be happy (it breaks your heart and then rebuilds it)
Accepting reality - what it does NOT mean
3 Ways to advance in a new direction
18 Ways to ward off sadness
I Can't Do It Alone
Talk.  And Talk Some More.
You Do Not Need To Justify Your Existence
Coping with Chronic Illness - Dealing with Its Unpredictable Nature

Coping With Chronic Illness - Other People Have Problems Too
When I have no brain and no body
Caring too much what people think keeps you sick
Caring too much what people think - how to overcome it.

5 Ways to be a Good Friend to a Friend with a Chronic Illness

Coping With Chronic Illness Exercise - Part 1 - Is it Good or Bad?

Coping with Chronic Illness Exercise - Part 2 - 5 Myths and Facts about Exercise While Ill

Energy Economy posts:
How to get food into our mouths while chronically ill part 1 Food part 2 Food part 3 Grocery shopping and chronic illness Wardrobe considerations for the chronically ill - part 1 Wardrobe considerations for the chronically ill - part 2 15 suggestions for Leaving the house while chronically ill 14 suggestions for cleaning the house while chronically ill Personal hygiene and chronic illness Dealing with people while chronically ill 12 Ways to simplify your grooming and dressing routines 10 Ways to COPE with Cognitive Dysfunction (Brain Fog, Fibro Fog)   10 Ways to COMBAT Cognitive Dysfunction (Brain Fog, Fibro Fog) 

How To Attend Important Events While Chronically Ill 

10 Ways To Make it Through The Summer Heat While Chronically Ill