Coping With Chronic Illness - 2 Reasons Why Lying Keeps You Sick

I have discovered that it is possible to be a conscientiously honest person and still tell lies. 

I lied to myself about how my illness affected my everyday life.  I lied to myself about my limitations.  I lied to myself about what I would be able to accomplish in the future.  I lied to myself about how far I could push my body.  I lied to myself about what gave me value. 

And I lied to others.  I did my best to portray the version of myself that I wanted to be and to conceal as much as possible who I really was.  

The more I lied the worse I felt physically and the more frustrated I became at myself and the world.

Now, these lies weren’t intentional.  Stated in a nicer way you could say that I was delusional, or in denial.  Either way, I was not living in reality.  I was pretending.

The problem with the lie is that it took me places physically that I may never recover from.  You simply can’t push your body to exhaustion over and over and expect no consequences.  Not when you are dealing with illness.  Your body has requirements.  And your body will ultimately win.  I may never recover from that physically.

Another problem with the lie was that I promised what I could not perform.  As a result, people expected of me what I could not actually do.  And when I could not do it, they were frustrated and I was resentful.

So, I am working hard to stop pretending, to stop denying, and to accept reality.   And, I am mostly succeeding.

Since I stopped lying I have been able to do things that are better for my health.  I could finally see that I needed a wheelchair.  This helped me be able to do more, not less.   I started behaving reasonably with myself and showing more patience and compassion.  I stopped putting up a false front.  I stopped promising and being unable to follow through.  Now if a person expects of me what I cannot give, I feel less guilt and stress.  Their expectation is their own fault.  I have not lied to them.

I still have to work at it.  But something did surprise me.  I got more support when people saw my true situation.  And most did not like me any less.  It was a sense of relief, to them and me, because they understood me a little better.

However, telling the truth does not mean I have to spill everything about myself to anyone and everyone.  I don’t have to answer prying questions or assuage their curiosity.  And I don’t have to disclose my illness at all times and to all people.  I still have discretion.  I still have privacy.  I just work hard to be real with myself and others.  It’s harder than it sounds but, I think, very worthwhile.

What about you?  What has helped you to live in your reality?  And how has this benefited you? You might also enjoy: 

Wardrobe Considerations For Chronic Illness Part 1.  And Part 2 here.  These are my personal favorite posts.
 Friendship Is A Basic  Human Need - Parts 1, 2, and 3.
Coping with Chronic Illness - It's OK To Grieve Your Losses
Coping With Chronic Illness - Knowledge Is Power
Coping With Chronic Illness - Cultivate Other Interests
And the growing list on Energy Economy - for idea's on doing everyday things in a more energy efficient way.

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/evilerin/3258516033/">Evil Erin</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc</a>