Coping With Chronic Illness - I Am Not Lazy

I'm not Lazy, I'm sick.

I can’t tell you how many past journal entries started with, “I’m so tired.  I feel so lazy” followed by pages and pages beating myself up for everything I wasn’t doing and describing in detail exactly why I was lazy.  

And of course there was the requisite new schedule on the last page, drawn up and ready to help me use my time wisely.  Every moment of the day accounted for.

I didn’t know myself or my illness very well then.  I know them better now, though, and this is what I have discovered:

I am not lazy.

Coping with Chronic Illness. Accepting Reality - What It Does Not Mean.

Accepting reality does not mean giving up hope 

I want to be clear.  Letting go of the dream and accepting reality does not mean giving up hope.  It does not mean giving up on life.  And it does not mean that what we can do now won’t change in the future.  It is a tricky balance, I know.  But, never, never mistake being reasonable for giving up.  

Accepting reality is not failure.  It may feel like that at first.  But that is not what it is.  It is advancing in a new direction.  Because we can only move forward when we have accepted what we have to work with.  

So, you have finally started to see your reality and you have realized that this dream or goal is damaging to you or your family, or is simply unattainable.  Can you substitute a more reasonable goal that will keep you in line with what you love, but actually be possible for you?  We want to do our best.  That is all that the people who love us expect from us.  

Coping With Chronic Illness - Let Go Of The Dream, Accept Reality, And Be Happy (It Breaks Your Heart And Then Rebuilds It)

Why cherishing the dream is counterproductive:

 

In my last post I wrote about my efforts to be real with myself and others and to stop lying.  Part of telling the truth and letting go of the lie has involved giving up some of my dreams and perceptions of myself.  

I had unrealistic expectations and I pushed myself to reach them no matter my level of health.  And when I failed over and over I berated myself horribly.  I couldn’t seem to give them up.  I couldn’t’ let myself see my reality much less learn to accept it.

The trouble was that I still retained the expectations and goals I had when I was healthy. 

Coping With Chronic Illness - 2 Reasons Why Lying Keeps You Sick

I have discovered that it is possible to be a conscientiously honest person and still tell lies.