Coping With Chronic Illness - I Am Not Lazy

I'm not Lazy, I'm sick.

I can’t tell you how many past journal entries started with, “I’m so tired.  I feel so lazy” followed by pages and pages beating myself up for everything I wasn’t doing and describing in detail exactly why I was lazy.  

And of course there was the requisite new schedule on the last page, drawn up and ready to help me use my time wisely.  Every moment of the day accounted for.

I didn’t know myself or my illness very well then.  I know them better now, though, and this is what I have discovered:

I am not lazy.

5 Ways To Maintane Independence While Chronically Ill

I know, I know – we don’t want to be independent.  We want to be inter-dependent.  No man is an island and all that.  I agree with that.

I’m not flying in the face of that wisdom when I am talking about this issue of independence.  But we are looking at things from the viewpoint of a person who is chronically ill.  This is a person who’s body betrays them daily.  This is a person who is forced against their will to rely on people all the time for basic necessities.  Their world, their dignity, and their sense of self are being assaulted.  

Coping with Chronic Illness - You Do Not Need to Justify Your Existence

Coping With Chronic Illness - You Don't Need to Justify

“Never make excuses.  Your friends won’t need them and your foes won’t believe them.”  -Wooden

With some of my old friends I always had to excuse myself for being ill.  I had to say I was sorry to them over and over for something that wasn’t my fault.  And it made me angry. 

Coping With Chronic Illness - 18 Ways to Ward Off Sadness

Coping With Chronic Illness - How to Ward Off Sadness

It is not practical to expect that every day or every moment I will think positive thoughts.  Dealing with our illnesses is going to get us down sometimes.  And I have periods of time when I do not have the physical, mental, and emotional strength to fight off negative feelings.  That is just life.  Sometimes we don’t so much cope as just exist.

I have done my share of just existing.  And then, when my inner strength has been renewed, I feel like I have to re-learn  how to live and how to cope.   So, I keep lists.  I have lists reminding me what foods I can get for myself at different levels of health.  I have lists reminding me how to be a friend.  I have lists reminding me how to contribute to a good atmosphere in my home life.  And I have a list reminding me of what helps when I am down.  These lists are really plans of action, or battle plans, for when I have the energy to fight.

Coping With Chronic Illness - 3 Ways To Advance In A New Direction

Accepting our illnesses is not a sign of failure.  It does not mean we give up.  We simply advance in a new direction.

It is true we may have lost much.  (See It’s Ok To Grieve Your Losses.)  However, we also need to understand what is still there.   Here is a plan of action for moving forward.

Evaluate your condition

•    Think of what you need to alter and then seek to change what is changeable.  This will help you reclaim some control.  (Some things you may be able to change are diet, sleep habits, mental attitudes, household arrangements, healthcare, work, exercise, daily activities, the way you get around, the way you care for yourself, etc...  With the help of loved ones, perhaps you could set up some systems or strategies to help you accomplish what you can’t do alone.  See also the posts under Energy Economy for suggestions on changing what is changeable.)

Coping with Chronic Illness. Accepting Reality - What It Does Not Mean.

Accepting reality does not mean giving up hope 

I want to be clear.  Letting go of the dream and accepting reality does not mean giving up hope.  It does not mean giving up on life.  And it does not mean that what we can do now won’t change in the future.  It is a tricky balance, I know.  But, never, never mistake being reasonable for giving up.  

Accepting reality is not failure.  It may feel like that at first.  But that is not what it is.  It is advancing in a new direction.  Because we can only move forward when we have accepted what we have to work with.  

So, you have finally started to see your reality and you have realized that this dream or goal is damaging to you or your family, or is simply unattainable.  Can you substitute a more reasonable goal that will keep you in line with what you love, but actually be possible for you?  We want to do our best.  That is all that the people who love us expect from us.  

Coping With Chronic Illness - Let Go Of The Dream, Accept Reality, And Be Happy (It Breaks Your Heart And Then Rebuilds It)

Why cherishing the dream is counterproductive:

 

In my last post I wrote about my efforts to be real with myself and others and to stop lying.  Part of telling the truth and letting go of the lie has involved giving up some of my dreams and perceptions of myself.  

I had unrealistic expectations and I pushed myself to reach them no matter my level of health.  And when I failed over and over I berated myself horribly.  I couldn’t seem to give them up.  I couldn’t’ let myself see my reality much less learn to accept it.

The trouble was that I still retained the expectations and goals I had when I was healthy. 

Coping With Chronic Illness - 2 Reasons Why Lying Keeps You Sick

I have discovered that it is possible to be a conscientiously honest person and still tell lies.