Coping With Chronic Illness - 3 Ways To Advance In A New Direction

Accepting our illnesses is not a sign of failure.  It does not mean we give up.  We simply advance in a new direction.

It is true we may have lost much.  (See It’s Ok To Grieve Your Losses.)  However, we also need to understand what is still there.   Here is a plan of action for moving forward.

Evaluate your condition

•    Think of what you need to alter and then seek to change what is changeable.  This will help you reclaim some control.  (Some things you may be able to change are diet, sleep habits, mental attitudes, household arrangements, healthcare, work, exercise, daily activities, the way you get around, the way you care for yourself, etc...  With the help of loved ones, perhaps you could set up some systems or strategies to help you accomplish what you can’t do alone.  See also the posts under Energy Economy for suggestions on changing what is changeable.)


•    Ask yourself, ‘What was important to me before I got sick?  How has this changed?’  When you ask these questions you are trying to determine two things.  1.  What is still possible for me.  2.  What my priorities are.  

•    Focus on what you can do now, not what you used to be able to do.  Comparing yourself to yourself, what you used to do, is just as destructive and counterproductive as comparing yourself to others. 

Focusing on what I CAN do helps me to feel that although my life has changed it is not over.  It helps me to understand that I still have worth as a human being and that my life still has value.  And it helps me to move out of the depression and find joy in life again. 

Set Reasonable and reachable goals (i.e. keep pushing gently forward)

•    Do not set too many goals at once.  You will sabotage yourself.

•    Make sure your goal is reasonable for you.  Do not compare yourself to someone else with your illness or any other limitation.  Your physical and emotional makeup is different than any other individual’s. 

•    Your goal should be specific – not generic.

•    Your goal must be reachable or you will give up.  Start small.  No matter how small a goal may seem, reaching it motivates you to do more.

•    When you have reached your goal – pause.  Allow a leveling off period.  Then move to the next goal.

•    If it becomes clear that a certain goal is unrealistic let it go.  Try not to feel bad about it.  At the same time do not totally give up.  Set a new, more realistic goal.

•    Some goals to consider depending on your level of health:  Re-learn how to wash your face.  Walk for five minutes two or three times a week.  Sit up for 20 minutes a day.  Set a goal to help others somehow.  Go outside once a week.  Regain strength in your hands or legs.  Learn a skill, like painting.  Work part-time.  Cook dinner every day.  Rest when you are tired.  Read something everyday that feeds you spiritually,  Etc…

Setting goals directs our minds toward the future and reaching goals gives us a sense of accomplishment and can help us restore some self-confidence.  We may discover that we can do more than we thought possible.  Setting goals helps us to advance in our new direction. 

Stay in touch with others

It is incredibly easy to become isolated when you are coping with an ongoing, disabling illness.  People may stop visiting you.  You may not be able to get out and visit them.  Some of your friends may abandon you.  You may realize that some of your friends are toxic and have to distance yourself.  You may just be an introvert and inclined to be alone anyway. 

But having social contact is not just important, it is vital to your health.  It is an actual survival tool (and I say this as an introvert).  I have three whole posts on this subject because this is a very big topic.  Part 1 – Friendship is a basic human need (The Dilemma).  Part 2 - Rethink the term friend.  And Part 3- How to be a good friend when you are chronically ill.  I’ll let them do the rest of the talking.

Continue to Readjust

In your struggle with chronic illness there will likely be relapses, set-backs, and progressions of your illness.  You may also have remissions and otherwise better times.  You will have to readjust your view of what it means to accept your illness many times.  You may have to adjust your expectations of yourself over and over again.

Sometimes we grow better, our health improves and what we can do changes for the good.  This takes a period of adjustment.  Sometimes we grow worse, our health declines and what we can do is more limited.  This takes a period of adjustment also.  I have found that the above methods – focusing on what I can do, setting manageable goals, and keeping some social contact – have helped me through every stage of my illness, whether I am bed-ridden or as reasonably well as I get. 

And now it’s your turn.  What coping tools would you add to the above list, things that keep you moving forward in a positive direction instead of languishing in a negative one?

Coming up:  A Plan Of Action When Feeling Sad

You may also like:  Coping with chronic illness – knowledge is power
Coping with chronic illness – cultivate other interests

Two reasons why lying keeps you sick
Coping with chronic illness - Let go of the dream, accept reality, and be happy
Coping with chronic illness - What accepting reality does not mean
And the growing list on energy economy - with practical suggestions for everyday life, like eating, cooking, shopping, dealing with people, wardrobe strategies, cleaning, grooming, etc...

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/modestchanges/3214701196/">michal_hadassah</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">cc