Part 3 - Friendship Is A Basic Human Need (10 Ways To Be A Good Friend When Chronically Ill)

Initiate contact when you can.

It is just as important to be a good friend as it is to have a good friend.  But having a chronic illness can make this difficult for us.
It’s important to be the sort of friend you want to have – loyal, trustworthy, empathetic, supportive. 
 But, we are talking about something more focused and basic today.  We are talking about how to keep up social contacts and friendships while coping with serious illness.
It is easy (at least for me, both an introvert and chronically ill) to isolate myself and make other people do all the work of keeping in contact.  But, to be a good friend I have to do my share.  So this is my plan of action.  It is good at various stages of illness.

Plan to be a good friend while chronically ill:

•    When I have the strength, initiate contact.  Even just a short text, phone call, or email. And personally, I love to write letters or cards.

•    Invite a friend over for a short visit.  I keep a chair in my room so that I can have visitors even when I am very bad.  Of course, the length of the visit is determined by current state of health. 

•    Turn off my computer and phone and actually be present.  This is when I have a slight improvement in health.  When someone visits or my family are around I should try to be present, not distracted by less important things.

Move to the couch.

•    Move from bed to couch.  It is small but when I can do this it makes a difference.  It helps me stay in contact with my family members who are in and out during the day or evening.  It is good for me and they have expressed appreciation for it also.  (And remember, my family are also my friends.)



•    When I have some improvement in health, meet for a 30 minute lunch or go to their house for a visit.  They usually have a place I can lay down.

•    Don’t expect them to fill all my needs.  Appreciate and accept what they are able to give, don't bemoan what they can't give.  Not everyone can be emotionally available all the time, even if they are physically available. 

•    Be forgiving when my feelings are hurt.  Remember they have bad days too.  I am not the only one having a hard time.

•    Think about them and what they need.  Write it down.  When I am able, act on my thoughts.  Say something encouraging.  Give a gift.  Listen.

•    Impose some kind of limit on how much I talk about my illness.  It is important that I am able to be open with my friends.  But don’t let it swallow up everything else.

•    Be loyal.  I can always be loyal.  I can give them the benefit of the doubt, believe them, not listen to gossip about them, etc...

What I can do varies with my health.  Sometimes I am too sick to do anything at all.  At those times my friends are very considerate of me.  But, when I am able, I work hard to keep in touch the best I can.
 
And now it's your turn.  Do you have any suggestions for keeping up with friends while living with a debilitating illness?  Won’t you share them?

Coming up:  Energy Economy - Wardrobe Considerations For Chronic Illness Part 2.  It has 6 more tips for dressing more efficiently.

You might also enjoy: 
Wardrobe Considerations For Chronic Illness Part 1.  It is one of my personal favorite posts.Friendship Is A Basic  Human Need - Parts 1 and 2,
Coping with Chronic Illness - It's OK To Grieve Your Losses
Coping With Chronic Illness - Knowledge Is Power
Coping With Chronic Illness - Cultivate Other Interests
And the growing list on Energy Economy - for idea's on doing everyday things in a more energy efficient way.