Coping With Chronic Illness - It's OK To Grieve Your Losses

It’s OK To Grieve Your Losses

They say when there is loss through illness it feels a lot like a death.  Although the most intense feelings of grief may come at the initial stages of illness, I find that every fresh limitation, each progression of my illness, and every relapse causes new grief. 

People who have their health may not understand what losing it really entails.  What is really lost when your health is lost?
  Well, it can be the death of an old life and the person you were.  You can lose friendships, your independence, your dreams for the future, your youth.  You might lose your job.  You will probably lose the way you previously viewed yourself and perhaps the value you found in yourself for what you could do or be.  You may lose your ability to walk, enjoy certain foods, sit upright, enjoy a good book, go out with your friends, take yourself to the bathroom, care for your family, support yourself financially, clean your house...  Illness affects every aspect of our lives.  Feelings of sadness, anger, or frustration are very normal human reactions to getting a life altering sickness and are entirely appropriate.  

The Grieving Process: 

·         Early reactions:  Initial shock; disbelief, denial; emotional numbness; guilt feelings; anger.

·         Acute grief may include: Memory loss and insomnia; extreme fatigue; abrupt changes of mood; flawed judgment and thinking; bouts of crying; appetite changes, with resultant weight loss or gain; deep sadness.

Grief is a necessary part of the healing process and of learning to adapt to the new situation.  It is important to let yourself grieve your losses. Bottling up or repressing our feelings can be harmful mentally, physically and emotionally.   So, how can you express your grief in healthy ways?

Talk to a trusted friend about your experiences and feelings.  Many find that just the act of voicing their thoughts out loud provides an emotional release.  It can also help clear up misunderstandings.  If you find it very difficult to talk to others, write in a journal.  Cry when you feel like crying.  Again, don’t bottle this up, crying can help you release pent up emotion.  And express your feelings of anger, but not in a hostile way or in uncontrolled outbursts.  

Don’t let anyone else dictate how you should feel about your loss.  Different people handle their grief in different ways.  The grieving process works differently with everyone and one way is not necessarily better than another.  

Grief can be intense.  Recovering may take months or years.  But in time the acute pain you feel in the beginning will lessen and life can gradually seem less bleak and meaningless.  Be patient with yourself.  Reconciling yourself to your situation and living successfully with your illness or disability is a process that occurs over time, not overnight.  We will all get there.

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