Coping With Chronic Illness - Your Team Must Believe You First

“I wouldn’t worry, I think you’ll get better.”

This is what the disability lawyer told me as I sat across from his desk, shuddering uncontrollably from the effort of sitting up for an hour.

What I should have said was, “Oh really?  What exactly makes you think that?  Tell me why, after 15 years of being ill and no available treatment for my disease, you believe I will magically just get better.  What exactly do you think will change?“

That is what I should have said.  But I didn’t.  I stayed quiet.  I did look disapprovingly at him – but that is the best I could do.

Coping With Chronic Illness - I Am Not Lazy

I'm not Lazy, I'm sick.

I can’t tell you how many past journal entries started with, “I’m so tired.  I feel so lazy” followed by pages and pages beating myself up for everything I wasn’t doing and describing in detail exactly why I was lazy.  

And of course there was the requisite new schedule on the last page, drawn up and ready to help me use my time wisely.  Every moment of the day accounted for.

I didn’t know myself or my illness very well then.  I know them better now, though, and this is what I have discovered:

I am not lazy.